Wednesday, January 13, 2010

WARNING!!!

WARNING:
This post is a little personal and not usually what I would talk about but I want people to know that this is real...that people deal with this condition more than we know...so be prepared to hear me sort of vent and get personal...


When we made our trip up to Salt Lake in December to see Gary and Brittney we had a lot of fun...when we got there Brittney was crocheting a blanket for her friend and it looked like fun...I had attempted crocheting before by buying a starter kit and could never get it started and so I gave up...but Brittney decided to help me and it was SO EASY...I am absolutely in love with crocheting now...it is a big stress reliver for me and I am so grateful that Brittney taught me to Crochet and that she was so patient with me and for getting me addicted...

And Thanks to Gary and Brittney for that week we spent with them because they really got to see me with my kids and it helped SO MUCH for them to tell me that I was a completely normal parent..and they gave me such confidence that everything was going to be fine and that I was doing a good job at being a Mom...

I haven't really told a lot of people about my situation lately because I haven't wanted people to think I am weak or that I am crazy or that I am lying or faking or anything...and so a lot of people don't know what is going on but I have came to terms with my situation and I know now that things will get better and that it doesn't matter what people think of me...
with this last baby I had a really hard time after he got here...I couldn't put my finger on it but I just knew something was wrong...I knew that something was wrong with Me but I just didn't know what...and my sweet husband could tell that something was wrong but he just didn't know what was wrong or what to do...and I finally opened up to my Mom and she took me to the Doctor right away...

I have been suffering from Postpartum Depression since this last baby... 
 we have a history of it in our family and when I had Odin I didn't have any of the symptoms and so when I had Cort and everything turned up side down for me it was hard to admit that I needed help and that something was wrong...I kept telling my self that something can't be wrong...that I have to be perfect and have everything in control and can't let anyone see me weak but that has all changed now...
I now can admit that Postpartum is a REAL thing and that it doesn't make a person weak or any less better than anyone else...I have now realized that it really doesn't matter what people think of me...I try so hard to put up this perfect image for certain people because I think it will make them like me better but really these people will probably never truly like me and I don't need them to like me...I don't care if they think that this makes me a weak person or that it is an excuse for certain things...Postpartum doesn't change who I am or how I feel...
This experience has helped Chuck and I become closer and on the same page...it used to be that he was the calm one and I was the very outspoken one and now roles have changed and I have decided to try and take a step back in certain situations and he has stepped up and protected me and put people in their places...Chuck is so not a confrontational person but since this has all happened he has been forced into that type of person in order to protect me and his boys and I love that he takes care of us...
I definately couldn't go through this by myself and I am so Thankful to My Side of the family who knows how REAL Postpartum is...
and I am Thankful for Gary and Brittney for understanding me and constantly telling me that I am doing a good job and that I am completely normal...
and I am Thankful for my Sweetie-Chuck-for being so patient with me...this has not been easy for him by all means but he has stepped up to the plate in more than one way and has taken care of me and protected me...this is far from over but we are in this together forever and ever...some days are harder than others but I know it will all get better...


So again Thanks Brittney for teaching me to Crochet...it truly helps me with my stress levels and keeps me cool...and I love it...Thanks Bunches....



 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 






3 comments:

  1. You go girl! I haven't tried that pattern yet - I am afraid I would mess it up!

    After Sydney I had PPD (but didn't have it at all with Chase - each pregnancy is so different huh!). It is pretty scary to have all those feelings (or lack of feelings) all at one time. You are an amazing person! It's hard for lots of people to SEE that there is something wrong, when it's only on the inside. Bravo for talking to people you trust about it. It's one of the few things that does truly help.

    You can't move before we go and play sometime. I miss your face!

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  2. Hang in there!! You are an awesome mom! It sounds like you could use a girls night out?! What do you think?

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  3. I think a lot of times it can happen with what is going on in your life as well. I had it bad when Jessie was a baby. I think that also a lot of times we dont recognize it when we are so deep in it. The thing that helped me the most was making some friends that I could really trust. Sooo that being said just call me or facebook me or whatever whenever you need someone to help out or talk. We can get the kiddos together for a play date so you can have a break. :)

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